A Father’s Lesson of Forgiveness

My father once said, “If they hurt you, forgive them, but never forget what they’ve done.”

This has always been a reminder to me every time I meet someone new. Yet, at times, it feels exhausting. It’s frustrating to show kindness only to receive pain in return. It’s disheartening to admire someone, only to find them backstabbing you.

One day, I asked my father, “Do they deserve my forgiveness?”

He smiled and set aside the newspaper he had been reading—a part of his morning routine, checking the mailbox for something to engage with.

“Child, everyone deserves forgiveness. If they wrong you once, they deserve it. If they do it twice, give them another chance. But if they hurt you a third time, that’s when the forgiveness should be for yourself.”

I must have looked puzzled, with a huge invisible question mark hovering over my head. My father chuckled at my confusion, then handed me a candy and clasped my hands in his.

“Forgive yourself for believing in them and getting disappointed. Forgive yourself for trusting too much. Forgive yourself for taking risks in the hope of something better. And, my dear, give yourself the chance to be free—free from hatred, revenge, and the weight of your past.”

One morning, I found him in front of my mother, tears streaming down his face. He had been betrayed by a friend for many years. I asked him if he now hated his friend, and he simply smiled and shook his head.

“My heart doesn’t have space for hatred. I won’t suffer because of it. I’ve forgiven him, but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten what he did. The next time he sees me smiling, despite everything, he’ll know who truly suffered.”

Wiping his tears with the favorite handkerchief I had gifted him for his birthday, he added, “You know the best thing you can give to someone who hurts you? It’s to live a better life after what they did. We only live once, so don’t waste your time on those who have left scars in your heart. Let them see what they’ve lost. Let them understand how they inadvertently helped you grow.”

In that moment, I realized that without his wisdom, I would still be haunted by burdens that weren’t my fault.