What would the New Year be without those countless resolutions, right? At my age, I have made countless resolutions, most of which I abandoned quicker than the time it took me to think about them. But still, some I have stuck with over the years.
Because of the relatively low success rate of New Year’s resolutions, I have taken a different approach this year. I have decided to include a bit of humour, and then added some more serious objectives, in case you need ideas. Some are resolutions that I have had throughout the years. Others are some that friends shared with me in the past. Many are completely made up.
Happy New Year everyone!
In Good Humour
First, let’s learn to laugh, or at least smile a bit more. Taking life a bit less seriously is not a bad thing as after all, we won’t come out of it alive!
Don’t trust professionals. Instead, rely more on social media experts.
Go Vegan for 6 months, not forgetting to tell everyone as it’s part of being Vegan! (Then change your mind at the first meal).
Bring back a trend from the past… so you can wear those bell-bottom jeans or leisure suit in your closet.
Buy a gym membership (for which you will not fulfill).
Go on a diet or quit smoking (like you do every year).
Find a more accurate set of scales. This one reads too high.
Limit yourself to two minutes to pick a Netflix or Prime movie.
Wear more spandex.
Wear less spandex.
Unfriend or block every person who disagrees with you on social media.
Report posts on social media from your friends so they get suspended… but continue following them because you’re THAT nosey.
Share more Memes because you know they will all like it.
Drink more alcohol as you know that there is nothing more attractive than someone drunk.
Finally learn to shave your genitals without cutting yourself or using painful wax.
Actually put on a full outfit for Zoom calls (although let’s be real, bottom half naked never hurt anyone).
Take less selfies.
Take more selfies.
Give up blaming the family dog for every strange smell in the house (especially when you know it came from you).
Spend less than 5 hours a day on your phone.
Use proper spelling on social media.
Stop referring to autumn as Pumpkin Spice Latte Season.
Admit that there are only two genders: man and woman.
Don’t eat yellow snow.
Finally finish reading Fifty Shades of Gray.
Learn to swear in a different language.
Refuse to act your age.
Visit the grocery more often than restaurants, especially when free samples are being served.
Stop saying “Mmmm, how nice” during the inspection at the airport. It seems that this is only provoking them.
Don’t take your phone with you when going to the bathroom.
Walk around the house naked more often. You’ll save on clothing and laundry.
Pickup after your dog and/or change the cat’s litter box more than once a week.
Learn that jumping to conclusions, running your mouth and walking a fine line isn’t considered exercising.
When watching sports events, yell at the TV a bit louder as they clearly can’t hear you.
Move your refrigerator and stove once this year, to sweep underneath.
Avoid making New Year’s resolutions once and for all.
More Seriously
If you we can successfully apply at least one (or more) of the following resolutions, we will have a much, much better year. That’s a promise.
When faced with a situation, try to think of the positive, not the worst. Stay strong against things that bring you down.
Take the time to stop and admire nature each and every time you see its beauty.
Find time to practice deep breathing several times a day.
Never look at your phone in the bedroom, whether you’re in a relationship or not.
Practice meditation every night before bed.
Go for a walk every day, even if you vary the length based on the time you have.
End every conversation with your loved ones by “I love you!”.
Set boundaries, even with loved ones. It’s not easy, but necessary.
Distance yourself from people who bring you down with negativity and toxicity.
Limit, or stop completely, watching the News on TV or social media. It’s filled with negativity.
Stop reading comments on social media. It exposes stupid people, and some do it on purpose.
If your job brings you down and doesn’t make you happy, look for a new one. Do it, don’t be afraid to take a risk. It’s better than staying miserable.
Gentlemen, put the toilet seat down. Ladies, pick up your stuff on the bathroom counter.
Delete most games off your phone.
Interact with people in person instead of online.
Never, ever use your phone at the dinner table or in a restaurant.
Stop writing LOL unless you are indeed Laughing Out Loud.
Don’t set expectations on others. YOU are bound to be disappointed and THEY won’t even know it.
When eating unhealthy snacks, put them in a bowl. You will eat less than if you sit with the whole bag.
Cut your time in half, looking at Marketplace, Amazon and other online shopping sites. Also cut your spending for stuff you don’t really need in half.
Once a month or so, buy something from a local small store, restaurant or coffee shop. Small businesses need you more than big corporations and pay taxes in your town/city, employing local people.
Put less importance on seeking “likes” on social media instead of in person.
Do something nice for someone, even a stranger, at least once a week. And don’t seek recognition or anything in return.
Pick up your phone and CALL (not text) someone you love. Even better, go see them.
Start a gratitude journal. Every time something positive happens, note it down with date and time. Read it in December.
Make time for family.
Cook something new once a week.
Take the stairs instead of the elevator.
Go to a day Spa. Treat yourself.
Consider therapy. Friends and family are great support, but professionals can help most with mental health.
Learn a new skill, find new hobbies. Musical instrument, arts, crafts, take a course…
Sort your photos. This will bring back memories, guaranteed.
Drink more water and eat more fruits and vegetables.
Stop Googling symptoms.
Focus on activities which force you to not be on your phone or using any other electronics.