Life: The Fine Print

In the beginning, God created the dog and said, “Your job is to sit at the door, bark at strangers, and guard the house. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.“

The dog thought about it and replied, “Twenty years of barking? That’s a bit much. How about ten, and I’ll return the rest?“

God nodded, “Fair enough.“

Then God created the monkey and said, “Your job is to entertain—do tricks, make people laugh, and be the life of the party. For that, you get twenty years.“

The monkey scratched his head and said, “Twenty years of being the family clown? Sounds exhausting. How about I keep ten and return the rest?“

God agreed.

Next, God created the cow and said, “You will toil in the fields, provide milk, and work tirelessly to feed others. For this, you get sixty years.“

The cow groaned, “Sixty years of hard labor? That’s a raw deal. I’ll take twenty and give the other forty back.“

God accepted the trade.

Finally, God created humans and said, “Your role is simple—eat, sleep, play, marry, and enjoy life. You get twenty years.“

But the human wasn’t having it. “Twenty years? That’s barely enough time to figure things out! How about this—I take my twenty, plus the forty the cow gave back, the ten from the monkey, and the ten from the dog. That adds up to eighty. Deal?“

God sighed, “Alright, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.“

And that, my friends, is why:

• For the first twenty years, we eat, sleep, and play.
• For the next forty, we work like a cow to support our family.
• For the next ten, we do silly things to amuse the grandkids.
• And for the last ten, we sit on the porch, grumble at everyone, and bark at the mailman.

I hope this clears things up. No need to thank me—just doing my part for humanity. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be on the porch, watching the world go by.