Buy me a coffee?
So many opportunities to fight, so little time. Might as well laugh about it as with the birth of keyboard warriors and social media, it’s become a new reality that we all have to deal with on a daily basis. However, why not find a way to laugh about it? I have compiled a bunch of situation showing how easily a fight can start. Sit back, relax and have a chuckle or two. After all, we all need it from time to time, right?
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My boss asked me who the stupid one was, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people. And THAT’s how the fight started…
My wife was shopping and she texted me a picture of her trying on new jeans. She asked me if they made her ass look big, to which I texted back “Noooo”. But the two letters being side by side and with my big clumsy thumbs, I didn’t notice that I typed “Moooo” instead. And THAT’s how the fight started…
In a meeting, my boss pointed at me and said: “At the end of this pen is an incompetent”. To which I replied: “At which end?” And THAT’s how the fight started…
My wife kept dropping hints about what to get her for her upcoming birthday. She told me, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 140 in less than 4 seconds.” I went out and bought her a bathroom scale. And THAT’s how the fight started…
My wife and I went out for dinner and at a table near us, there was this young couple. I could swear he was giving her a kiss every couple of minute. My wife asked me why I wasn’t doing that, to which I replied: “I would love to, but I don’t know her.” And THAT’s how the fight started…
I asked my wife what she liked most about me, my body or my intelligence.
She said: “Your sense of humour”.
And THAT’s how the fight started…
When she was younger, my daughter asked me what an alcoholic was.
“You see those 4 trees there?”, I said. “An alcoholic would see 8.” To which she replied:
“But Dad, there are only 2 trees…”
And THAT’s how the fight started…
As we were out for a family Sunday drive, my daughter, from the back seat, asked: “Dad, what’s the #1 cause of divorce?”
Not thinking, I replied: “Marriage.”
And THAT’s how the fight started…
In a job interview, the employer told me: “You will start at $15/hour for the first 3 months probation and in 3 months, you’ll get a raise to $25/hour. When would you like to start?”
To which I replied: “In 3 months.”
And THAT’s how the fight started…
My wife bought some expensive cosmetics to look younger. After a while, she asked me how I thought she looked.
“Judging from your skin 18, hair 20, figure 30”, I said.
She was so excited she told me that I was so sweet.
I said, ” Wait I haven’t added them up yet!”
And THAT’s how the fight started…
For our anniversary, my wife wanted to go eat somewhere where they prepare the food in front of you. I took her to Subway.
And THAT’s how the fight started…
My girlfriend kept leaving magazines of jewelry everywhere around the house. Seeing that as a clear hint, I bought her a magazine rack.
And THAT’s how the fight started…
My wife told me that she likes to feel the wind blowing through her hair.
“It’s time to shave your legs”, I said.
And THAT’s how the fight started…
My wife asked me why I always wake up grumpy.
“That’s not true”, I said. “I often let you sleep in.”
And THAT’s how the fight started…
Autocorrect changed “you’re so wise” to “you’re so wide”.
And THAT’s how the fight started…
Told my wife that I once dated a blind girl who told me that I had a big penis.
She said: “She was probably pulling your leg.”
And THAT’s how the fight started…
I told the chick with a big butt who was facilitating this workplace harassment course that he has nice boobs.
And THAT’s how the fight started…
My wife had a concussion. A mutual friend asked me: “How’s your wife’s head?”
To which I replied, loud enough for her to hear: “I’ve had better.”
And THAT’s how the fight started…
She told me that she wasn’t religious, she was spiritual. I reminded her that demons are spirits too, so she should be more specific.
And THAT’s how the fight started…
I told my neighbour that the only reason why she was wearing panties was to keep her ankles warm.
And THAT’s how the fight started…
Standing in line at the grocery store, a kid was having a temper tantrum because his mom wouldn’t buy him a chocolate bar. So I bought one and ate it in front of him.
And THAT’s how the fight started…
My neighbour with big boobs often gardens topless. I told him that I wish his wife did that too.
And THAT’s how the fight started…
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