Buy me a coffee?
As many of you know, I’ve been around hockey my entire life. That’s over five decades dedication and different levels of experience in a game that I love. I have played the game for 40 years. I have been a referee. I have coached both at the house and rep levels. I have been a Director of a minor hockey association. Although with help from others, I have steered the wheel to create a strong female hockey program for the South Okanagan, BC. I have helped BC Hockey (OMAHA) create a female hockey league for the Interior BC. All of it for the love of the game of course, plus admittedly for my own daughters, but also for all young ladies with whom I have gotten to know through it all.
The girls that I have coached over the years, I have grown very fond of. They were like my own daughters and I have treated them as such. The pride of seeing them grow and succeed, both on and off the ice, is something that gave me great pride and provided me with moments that I will take with me to my grave. I strongly believe that hockey provides the opportunity to teach young players incredible lessons that they will carry throughout their whole life, given the opportunity to learn. Teamwork, cooperation, sacrifice, commitment and respect are only some of them.
For example, while coaching Mini-Mites fastball, the association provided the girls with pink t-shirts. I asked them to get me one with the word “coach” in the back. Prior to a practice early in the season, when it was time to distribute our new t-shirts, I put mine on at home and wore a jacket zipped up so the players wouldn’t see what I was wearing underneath.
As we were sitting in a circle, I handed them their t-shirts. Then I proceeded to tell them that in team sports, sometimes, we had to do things for the best of the team. Sometimes, we would like to pitch but we have to play outfield for this game. “As your coach, I also do things for the team“, I said, as I took my jacket off. The girls laughed at old coach wearing a pink t-shirt like theirs, but they understood the message. After that practice, parents told me how grateful they were for teaching their 5-6 year old daughters such life lessons. More than coaching a game, we are there to help young individuals grow.
Mirror analogy
If you asked any opposing coaches about having to face my hockey team – or if you asked any of my former players – they will all say the same thing: we formed a very hard working team, difficult to play against. I’m a strong believer that while you, as individuals or as a team, can get out-skilled, there are never any reasons to get out-worked. The old saying that “Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard” cannot be more true. And that applies not only during games, but also in practice. You play as you practiced, I would tell them.
Perhaps the favourite tool, or lesson, that I’ve used every year, from the first practice and throughout the season, is the mirror analogy. After getting off the ice, while all sitting in the dressing room, I would tell players to pretend to look themselves in a mirror and ask themselves – without answering out loud – if they felt like they gave their best effort out there. If the answer is “YES”, then not a coach, not a parent, not a teammate can expect more from you. No one can expect more than you giving your best, no matter the results. But if you feel like there were times when the answer was “NO”, then others were justified expecting more of you.
And at the year-end gathering, in minor hockey, I would provide them with a magnetic mirror to put in their locker at school. On that mirror, I would put a sticker with our team logo, with the quote: “Did I try my very best?”
You see, I would turn the mirror analogy that we talked about all season, into a life lesson. I would reinforce that this method of self-reflection doesn’t apply only in hockey. Whether or not your best is enough is out of our hands, out of our control. What we do control is the effort we put into something. We have full control on making the decision to try our best… or not.
If you give your best at school, at work, in your relationship, no one can expect more from you. But if you don’t, then perhaps it’s normal for people around to expect more from you. And there is only one person who knows the ultimate truth: YOU!
If you try your best, there is no failure. ~ Mike Farrell
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