Buy me a coffee?
Back in March, I had dressed a list of things that I have learned in life. As one never stops learning, here are a few more things that age will – or should – teach us… and the sooner we learn them, the better our life will be. This time, there’s a bit of a humouristic twist.
Death is the number one killer in the world.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Heath nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of… nothing.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now, the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it… normal.
Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last that long.
Whether you live each day as if it’s your first or your last, either way, you should probably have a diaper on.
The day that a man has a mosquito on his scrotum is when he learns that not everything can be resolved with force and aggression.
Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
A bird doesn’t sign because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.
Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.
The man who runs behind the car gets exhausted, but the man who runs in front of it eventually gets tired.
He who goes to bed with an itchy bum, wakes up with a stinky finger.
War doesn’t determine who’s right, it determines who’s left.
Driving like hell increases your chances of getting there sooner.
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they open their mouths.
We have enough youth. How about a Fountain of Smart?
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Worrying works! More than 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems. But it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, always remember… The fire department usually uses water.
Memory is what tells a man his wedding anniversary was yesterday.
Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
When climbing the ladder of success, don’t let boys look up your skirt!
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
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