They Walk Among Us: Hilarious Encounters

Sometimes, the simplest tasks reveal just how confusing life can be for some. Take my recent visit to the Tim Horton’s drive-thru: I handed the cashier a $10 bill for my $9.25 total and added a quarter, hoping to receive a clean dollar in change. Instead of appreciating the simplicity, she insisted, “You gave me too much money.” I explained my logic, but she sighed, bringing over the manager who returned my quarter and said, “We don’t do that kind of thing.” I left with 75 cents in change—and a reminder to keep things extra simple at fast food windows.

This isn’t an isolated incident. When we had a repairman look at our garage door, he confidently told me that my opener motor wasn’t “large enough.” I pointed out that it was a half-horsepower model—the largest available when we bought it. “No, no,” he corrected, “you need a quarter horsepower. Four is larger than two.” After a brief, fruitless debate, we decided not to call him back.

Living in a semi-rural area also comes with its share of amusing encounters. A neighbour recently called city council to request the removal of a deer-crossing sign. “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here,” she argued. “This isn’t a good place for them to cross!” Clearly, someone thinks deer follow road signs.

Idiocy in food service isn’t limited to drive-thrus. My daughter once requested “minimal lettuce” on her taco at a Mexican fast-food place. The cashier replied apologetically, “Sorry, we only have iceberg lettuce.”

And at the airport, when an employee asked if anyone had placed anything in my bag “without my knowledge,” I responded, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He nodded knowingly, as if I’d given him the answer he needed.

There are times when even crossing the street turns into a comedy. The pedestrian light beeps when it’s safe to cross, and as I waited with a well-meaning but misguided coworker, she asked, “What’s the beeper for?” I explained that it signals for the visually impaired to cross safely. She gasped in horror and replied, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?!”

Car repairs bring their own surprises, too. When my wife and I picked up our car after a service appointment, the mechanic informed us that the keys had been accidentally locked inside. We walked to the service area, where he was furiously trying to unlock the driver’s door. Watching from the passenger side, I instinctively tried that handle—it was unlocked. “Hey, it’s open!” I announced. Unfazed, he replied, “I know. I already unlocked that side.”

In a world full of everyday blunders, it’s wise to stay alert. After all, they walk among us, and, unfortunately, they’re multiplying!