Getting old hits you in weird little ways. It’s when your body and mind team up to remind you that your “good years” are slipping away. You forget stuff constantly, bugs are your only groupies, and your kid’s first grey hair makes you panic. Birthdays cost a fortune (who knew candles were so pricey?), your waistline rebels, and the only time you “go wild” is during a nap. You check the obits to see if your buddies made it, lie about your kids’ ages to feel younger, and suddenly everyone believes your aches are real. Aging? It’s like a dark comedy where the jokes are on you—and the punchline is realizing naps are now the highlight of your day. Welcome to getting old—it’s equal parts funny and terrifying!
You know you’re old when…
You’ve been there, done that… but can’t remember what “that” was.
You know you’re over the hill when…
The only females chasing you are mosquitoes.
You know you’re fading fast when…
That first grey hair shows up—on your kid.
You know you’re on your last legs when…
“Getting any” refers to sleep. Not romance.
You know you’ve seen better days when…
You hear your favourite song… in the elevator.
You know your days are numbered when…
You’ve still got it—but forgot what to do with it.
You know you’ve got one foot in the grave when…
The candles cost more than the cake.
You know life’s passing you by when…
You stop growing at the ends… and start expanding in the middle.
You know you’re knocking on Heaven’s door when…
The doctor tells you to slow down—not the police.
You know you’re about to kick the bucket when…
You regret not napping more as a kid.
You know you’re about to bite the dust when…
You read the obituaries just to check on your friends.
You know you’re approaching the final curtain when…
You start lying about your kids’ ages.
You know you’ll soon be pushing up daisies when…
People stop calling you a hypochondriac and start believing you.
You know your last dance is coming when…
You wake up feeling awful—but you didn’t even go out last night.
And finally… you know the end is near when…
“Happy Hour” just means a solid nap.
They sold us a picture in glossy disguise,A life neatly wrapped with a bow on…
I’ve come to believe that if you want to understand human history properly, you don’t…
Darren wasn’t burned out in the dramatic sense where a man slams a laptop shut…
I swear I'm not going back at writing regularly about hockey, but as a long…
There’s an interesting pattern I’ve seen over the years, both in conversation and observation. People…
Arlene Dickinson is one of Canada’s most respected business leaders, known for her sharp insight,…