You Might Be an Expat: Comedy Routine With a Serious Punch

First, a disclaimer: this is not meant to offend anyone. If you read this and feel your blood pressure rising, take a deep breath, sip a cup of café chorreado, and remember: the purpose is laughter, reflection, and maybe a little soul-searching.

This is not meant as disrespect. Think of it instead as comedy with a conscience, a little nudge toward reflection. Costa Ricans love it when newcomers make an honest effort to fit in, and the truth is, we have a lot to offer here. We have much to contribute here, but only when we step into life as equals, not as spectators or worse, come across as superiors. Unfortunately sometimes, we hold ourselves back from belonging.

So in the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy’s classic “You might be a redneck” routine, let’s see if any of these sound familiar. Laugh, wince, nod, or shake your head… and maybe recognize yourself along the way.

You might be an Expat…

1. If you call Spanish “Spanglish,” and your plátano sounds more like “play-tano” than anything edible… you might be an Expat.
2. If you order at a soda in English, slowly and loudly, as if volume magically translates… you might be an Expat.
3. If your gardener speaks more English than you speak Spanish, and you still complain it’s “hard to learn”… you might be an Expat.
4. If your favourite Costa Rican dish is “the burger at Hard Rock Café”… you might be an Expat.
5. If the only locals you know by name are the ones who cut your grass and clean your pool… you might be an Expat.
6. If you think Lizano is a brand of cleaning product instead of the national sauce… you might be an Expat.
7. If you live in a gated community with a big “Pura Vida” sign at the entrance, but the only fiesta you attend is the one at the clubhouse… you might be an Expat.
8. If you introduce yourself in Spanish and locals reply in English out of mercy… you might be an Expat.
9. If you’ve been in Costa Rica five years and still refer to home as “back in the States” or “up in Canada”… you might be an Expat.
10. If you’ve never sweated through a neighbourhood festival because the air-conditioned condo pool was calling your name… you might be an Expat.
11. If you travel an hour or two for PriceSmart instead of three blocks for the feria… you might be an Expat.
12. If “getting involved locally” means adding a Costa Rican flag emoji to your WhatsApp status… you might be an Expat.
13. If you brag about “supporting the local economy” while paying $9 for imported peanut butter… you might be an Expat.
14. If you say “pura vida” in every conversation like it’s a Swiss Army knife for communication… you might be an Expat.
15. If you call soccer “soccer” instead of fútbol and still wonder why nobody invites you to play… you might be an Expat.
16. If the closest you’ve come to eating gallo pinto is looking at a picture of it on Google… you might be an Expat.
17. If you own more bug spray than sunscreen, but your Spanish still cannot swat a mosquito of a sentence… you might be an Expat.
18. If your Costa Rican neighbours invite you over for coffee and you show up with a Starbucks latte… you might be an Expat.
19. If you complain about the rooster waking you up at 5 a.m., but brag about “living in paradise” on Facebook… you might be an Expat.
20. If you say “I love the local culture,” but your weekends are filled only with expat BBQs, expat yoga, and expat bingo… you might be an Expat.

A word like expat or immigrant might feel weightier than the other, but it’s not the label that matters. It’s whether you’re bringing your own snacks to the potluck… or eating the mystery casserole with the rest of the familia.

You might be an Expat if you’re still observing from behind a fence, even if it’s invisible.

You become an Immigrant, though, when you’re right there in the conga line, stepping on feet, maybe missing a beat, but laughing loudly anyway.

So ask yourself: Are you just visiting Costa Rican culture or are you tasting it, dancing with it, and owning the kitchen mess afterwards?

Because in the end, the beans are spicier, the laughter is louder, and the friendships last longer when you get messy with it… while adding a little taste of Costa Rica’s Sabor Fusión. That’s the true, the real meaning of Pura Vida!

On a more serious note, a video from the company we hired to help with our move here in Costa Rica. These folks were simply A-M-A-Z-I-N-G and a great resource. We now consider them friends. They are YourPuraVida.com.