Under Grumpa's Hat

An 85-year-old gentleman pays a visit to his doctor for his routine check-up. After the examination, the doctor informs him that he needs to provide a sperm sample and hands him a jar, saying, “Take this jar home with you and return tomorrow with the sample.”

The next day, the elderly man returns to the doctor’s office with the jar, only to find it just as pristine and empty as when it was given to him.

Puzzled, the doctor asks what happened and why there’s no sperm sample in the jar. The old man chuckles and begins his tale, “Well, doc, it’s quite the saga… first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand – nothing; then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Maisie, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing.”

The doctor, taken aback, asks in disbelief, “You asked your neighbour?”

The old man nods, deadpan, “Yep, none of us could crack the jar open.”